Bachelorette Week 6 Update
Here’s Matthew’s update for this week… i love him so.
Another week passes in Bachelorette world and Cara Jo Duren records another
perfect score. Several folks in our group picked four out of the remaining
six bachelors correctly, but only Cara guessed right on all six. If her
prognostications hold true for another week, Lucas should get his bags
packed and ready. Cara’s overall lead now stands at a mind-boggling 123
points. Kelly Whitehorn, Katy Barber, Leslie Benson and Casey Burke round
out our top five. Call me crazy, but no one is catching Cara Jo at this
point. Game. Set. Match.
If you’ll remember back to last week, (and all the weeks since Bentley
left), Ashley spent nearly the entire time wondering “what if?” about a
certain Salt Lake City entrepreneur. This culminated in a sit-down
discussion where Chris Harrison looked on in abject disgust as Ashley
pleaded for Bentley closure. Last night’s show began with a knock on
Ashley’s hotel door and a “surprise” visit from Chris Harrison where he
revealed that…Bentley…was in Hong Kong…in the very same hotel! Ashley
spent the next five minutes trying to remember the name of the term for
three consecutive dots occurring at the end of a sentence (an ellipsis).
She was unsuccessful. Next, we were treated to a anticlimactic reunion
where Bentley half-heartedly tried to convince Ashley he was in Hong Kong to
discuss their future, not just because ABC gave him a free vacation. Ashley
then stomped out of the room dropping multiple swears while doing her best
impression of a girl in a romantic comedy who finally “gets it” after she’s
been mistreated her entire life by scumbags. I didn’t buy it.
After this stupidness, Ashley went on a one-on-one date with Anti-Ames
(Lucas). His best lines from their date:
* Asked if he was enjoying the trip to Hong Kong: “I’m not well-traveled. I
enjoy fishing with buddies.”
* Asked what was the hardest thing he’s ever experienced:
“Uh…uh…uh…uh…family members dying…and…divorce.”
* As he and Ashley were snuggled up on the pirate ship: “Hey, can I have my
first kiss?”
On the group date, we got to hear Blake whine more about how he dislikes
Ryan P. He even proved it by asking if anyone wanted to shoot pool, and
then telling Ryan P the invitation did not extend to him (Oooooohhhhh!!!!!
In your faccccceee!!!). Ryan P had the last laugh, though, as his
ultra-smooth “Sorry, I just felt that” hand kiss immediately led to a rose
reward. JP (now easily the other front-runner with Ryan P) next took Ashley
on a makeup one-on-one date where she came full circle and confessed her
once undying affection for Bentley, but now claimed she no longer had any
feelings for him. Although confused, JP assured her none of this mattered,
and in a gross act of symbolism said “we’re on the right track” as he and
Ashley boarded a mountain train.
At the cocktail party, Ashley told everyone else about Bentley. Constantine
tried to act enraged. Lucas started dropping F-bombs. Blake did his
patented angry-bobble-head fidgeting. Mickey asked the simple-but-astute
question everyone else was thinking, “What if there WASN’T closure?!”
Ashley pouted and did her silent routine. Ryan P played the kiss-up. JP
looked like he might cry. And then the Gentleman, playing the role of
sleeping giant all episode long, made his move. In a powerful reminder he
has advanced degrees from two Ivy League schools and another
highly-prestigious institution in England, Ames said:
“I suppose that…we would all prefer our fairy tales…to be simple.
But…they¹re not. Life is not as simple…as we hoped…and in
fact…that¹s why…it¹s beautiful.”
I’ll say it again. If the Gentleman doesn’t make it to the hometown dates,
I’m going to be devastated.
NOTE: ABC said “Coming up on the Bachelorette” at the end of the show last
night, which makes me think there will be no show next Monday (July 4th).
We¹ll see. Whatever the case, as always, good to all.
mdC
